My mental health has been crap lately.

But I finally feel like it might be getting better.

Cross-posted on my website.

Y’all. I have been deep in the muck this summer. I am grateful that I can schedule this newsletter so I can take a breather with my family as we are on a little end-of-summer vacation this week, but I finally feel like a fog is clearing away from my brain, and it is so refreshing to be on the other side of it.

Which also means I figured I should talk a bit about mental health today. But first…

I’m in trouble. Seriously. Prime Day did me in. I bought a Keurig machine for my classroom. It makes hot and iced coffee. It was like half off. What was I supposed to do, not buy it?

But did I stop there? Ohhh no. I bought reusable pods (because those plastic ones are terrible for the environment). I bought a new tumbler so it would fit under the spout. I bought a mini drink fridge so I can keep my soy milk in there. I am going to have a whole coffee situation next school year, and I’m pretty excited about it.

It’s the little things.

You know what I didn’t do? Talk about mental health in May for Mental Health Awareness Month. Which is weird, because I am such a proponent of taking care of your mental health. I’m that person who always tries to remind others make space for their mental health; I’m that teacher who takes time out of class to talk to her students when they seem to be dragging; I’m that author who always includes an author’s note with content warnings and reminds other authors (and readers!) that boundaries are necessary and we should all be taking care of ourselves.

But in May, I was starting a spiral I could see just enough of to know that I had no business saying anything positive about anyone’s mental health, least of all my own. Everyone was posting these heartfelt Instagram posts about how they’re coping with mental health issues and encouraging others to seek help if they need it. I wrote one myself, actually, but deleted it. It was shiny and positive and very on-brand, and I felt like a total imposter even hitting “publish” on it.

Everything at the end of the school year felt hard and heavy. A close friend of mine passed away, and she wasn’t much older than me. Two of my direct supervisors were promoted, which means I’ll have two brand-new supervisors next year. I had to move out of my classroom because it’s being used for construction this coming year. And then, on top of it, I was releasing a book, which (I’m learning) is always a high-anxiety time.

So there I was, at the end of May and into June, missing my friend, thinking about my own mortality, knowing that yet again my day job was going to look entirely different next year (there have been a lot of changes since 2020), and smiling on Instagram talking about how excited I was to be releasing a book I loved so much.

Reader, I was not excited. I was terrified and sad.

That release went almost exactly as I planned (but not as I hoped, which, if you’re an author, you know are two different things). And, while I think it wouldn’t be inaccurate to call what I felt afterward burnout, it was probably more akin to straight up depression.

I am proud of myself for making it through the Common Grounds promotion stuff I had planned in June. Part of my healing has always been showing up even when I don’t want to, and it helped to do some of these things while also being able to scale back my internet presence to something a bit more manageable, and while resting from the school year. (Thanks to the cicadas, I guess, for making it hard to do anything outside of my house.)

But, through it all, I worked hard to rethink my goals and set some boundaries. Writing is supposed to be fun. And it is, but as I’ve kind of scaled this little business, things have changed. Which is great! But I had to decide what it is I’m really doing here, where I want it to go, and how I’m going to keep it sustainable.

I know that publicly stating your goals and boundaries can be powerful for accountability, but right now, it still feels private. I’m not manifesting anything; I basically want to keep on as I am, but be more relaxed while doing it.

When you set goals and boundaries in one part of your life, though, it often has a domino effect into other areas. What became ultimately clear to me in this process was that I was not prioritizing myself. I was giving so much of my time and energy to my books and people in this space that there wasn’t much left over for me. And that had to change.

It’s not super common knowledge, but one thing that ultimately pushed me to self-publish The Write Place was that I finished the first draft JUST before I sprained my ankle while running. I was two weeks away from a half marathon, feeling great, and boom. No more running for six weeks. To say I was devastated is an understatement, but I threw myself into publishing that book as a way to cope, figuring I’d get back to running once it was in the world.

And I did. Kind of. But not really. Then I tried to train for another half marathon last fall, but I wasn’t in the shape I had been in and ultimately ended up frustrated. My books had sort of taken off, and I just felt all this pressure to do more. More social media, more helping others, making more formats available, writing more so people have more of mine to read. There isn’t a lot of time for fitness when you run or lift at 5:00 am but also have to post something by 6:00 and then go to work.

The thing about my physical health, though, is that it is directly related to my mental health. Not kind of related. Not “Oh, working out is great, but there are other things I can do.” No. A direct, Point A to Point B, straight line connection from working out to being able to get out of bed. (Which, incidentally, you have to get out of bed to work out. Chicken, meet Egg. I told you part of my healing has always been connected to showing up when I don’t want to.)

So I got myself a running journal. Then I got myself a strength training journal. Because writing has always been a powerful tool for me, so I figured if I wrote this stuff down, maybe I’d figure something out. I told myself (and my husband) that I was going to run 10 miles and lift twice a week in July, no exceptions, and see if it helped. If it meant I had to skip posting on Instagram or stop writing for a little bit to do it, so be it. Just for one month. I could do one month, right?

I mean, there are always exceptions. I did skip a few days last week because we were active in other ways. But the point is we were active in other ways. Once I start showing up in one place, I keep showing up in others, too.

I’m happy (sorry?) to report, that this little experiment was successful. (Happy, of course, but also sorry because now I need to keep showing up. Dammit.) I feel better. I’m running better. I’m lifting heavier. My pants don’t fit any different, but I care less about that. I’m making better food choices because I don’t feel the need to eat my feelings. I’m happier. I’m writing more and better (probably because I’m happier). I’m hanging out with my family more, and still getting the things done I need to. And, it turns out, when you pull back from some of the things you thought you needed to do (I’m looking at you, Instagram), not much changes.

Every year, July is a black hole. Doesn’t matter if I’m feeling great or feeling like shit. I give up on my planner and calendar, forget what day it is, and try to rest as much as I can until August. This year, though, I’m extraordinarily grateful for July. I’m so happy I was able to take the time I needed to do a little reset, and now I feel like I’m ready to tackle my next book, the next school year, and so much more.

Maybe I’ll even run another half marathon with all this time I have from all those boundaries I set. Who knows.

The Christmas by Design cover dropped last week! Did you see it? IT IS SO CUTE.

You can read more about it here, and preorder it for only $0.99 here! It’s out on Black Friday (November 29), so be sure to get your hands on it for the perfect holiday treat.

I’ve just about hit the 50% mark of my next full-length standalone, and I have a few other top secret things in the works. Just know that there are so many fun things coming in early 2025, and I absolutely cannot wait.

If you’re finished with Common Grounds and craving more characters in their 40s, check this one out! (As of the writing of this newsletter, it’s free in the Kindle store, and book two in the series is only $2.99!)

40 and (Tired of) Faking It
Silver Foxes of Black Wolf's Bluff Book 1

Ella Sheridan

Welcome to Black Wolf’s Bluff, where turning forty doesn’t mean your life is over. It might just mean the spark that can light up everything is right around the corner.

She’s turning forty.

Lily Easton’s series of lackluster boyfriends ended three years ago with the ex from hell—self-absorbed, thoughtless, and seriously bad in bed. After she dumped him, he told everyone in their small town she was the horrible lover. Being made the dating-pool pariah allowed her to focus on her goal of becoming the first female mayor of Black Wolf’s Bluff, but with that accomplished, the arrival of Lily’s fortieth birthday is a stark reminder of everything she’s still lacking: love, commitment, and some seriously intense orgasms.

He's here to do a job.

John David Lane walked away from Black Wolf’s Bluff thirty years ago, determined to find his own success and leave behind the family who hated him. Now he’s back, but not to stay. He plans to turn the family estate he has inherited into a high-end resort, the kind that would completely transform this backwoods town. To succeed, he’ll need the help of the “lady mayor,” but he didn’t count on the desire for something far more personal with Lily than political negotiations.

Dive into an all-new small-town romance that proves falling in love isn’t impossible after forty — and neither are seriously intense orgasms!

That’s it for now. I know I got a little personal today, but I also know a lot of you are struggling, too, so hopefully this at least made you feel less alone. And, if it ever feels like more than you can bear, remember that there are people out there who can support you. 988 is the crisis line in the US if you need it.

xoxo,

Allie